Help Sent to Kashmir, Finally

The Pakistani Congress, supported by the military government, will be sending additional aid to the Kashmir region. Kashmir experienced an earthquake in 2007 and continues to suffer, especially due to the lack of response following it. The aid currently being sent will also help with rebuilding efforts, and will hopefully suppress the outcries over the constant suffering.

In a poorly timed blitz, Afghani forces struck hard against pre-Invasion NATO targets, only killing lazy NATO relief workers, and a kitten named Fluffles.

With NATO having pushed further into Kabul, most bases were empty or unimportant.

NATO bombs facility

NATO has sent to (2) Canadian B-2 stealth bombers to drop several thousand tons of munitions on the Chanan Nuclear Facility. These bombs are not strong enough to set off nuclear devices. These bombs destroyed all Taliban insurgents and passwords, but there were no subsequent nuclear detonations. “All hail McFreedomstan,” said an official.

Rolling Stone: Billy Joel revamps “We Didn’t Start The Fire”

NEW YORK – In a statement made from his recording studio in New York City, pop artist Billy Joel confirmed that he does intend to release an updated version of his 1989-hit song “We Didn’t Start the Fire”.  When asked how he was changing the song, Joel stated, “I mean, if you look at what’s going on in the world today, there aren’t many lyrics I’m going to have to change.  There’s still Ayatollahs in Iran and Russians in Afghanistan.”

From a press release NATO sent out earlier today:

“Joint NATO and USA operation, has move troops to Kabul and take over the government and replace it with a new regime. It will lead by Dick Cheney and called McFreedomstan with 25,000 troops towards this action.”

Hope for Pakistani-Indian Friendship

The Pakistani Military is prepared to take down the Taliban again, no matter what. The interim government is willing to maintain warm relations with India. They are also willing to discuss a communications contract with Indian officials as a kind gesture. Hopefully this strengthened relationship will continue. There are a few Pakistani civilians who are opposed to the relations with India. These individuals will be dealt with immediately.

Afghanistan: correction on Afghan Daily

In an effort to clear up confusion created by an article published by the Afghan Daily News, Afghanistan has issued the following statement:
“[The kidnapped man] was held in Pakistan and killed by the Taliban. We just said that we wish our condolences to the poor man’s family and will not become involved on the issue by negotiating with terrorists.”

Taliban controls Nuke Facility

The Taliban has infiltrated the Chanan Nuke Facility, compromising the security system.  All who opposed the Taliban forces were killed immediately, but any scientists in the facility were held hostage unless hostile, at which point they were shot in the face.  The Taliban now has access to all passwords for facility’s nuclear weapons.

India invades Pakistan

India has just issued a massive blockade off the coast of Pakistan. India utilized a majority of their Naval strength in this effort. India brought in over 50,000 troops on the initial invasion. Four bases were attacked by air. Those bases include Mushaf, Minhas, Mianwali base, and the Samungli. 200,000 troops were also brought across the border of Kashmir to successfully complete this mission. A statement from the Indian government stated India intends to mobilize our entire army, securing all of our borders. India feels extremely threatened by the aggressive actions of Pakistan and see no other alternatives.

Pakistan Creates a New Emergency Response Team

AP- New jobs for Pakistani citizens will be created in the development of a new humanitarian emergency response team.  The main focus of this new group is domestic affairs and protection. This will allow for the existing emergency response team to direct it’s efforts elsewhere. Current projections for this project include a team of 2,000 civilians, with an annual cost of $11,500. This team has potential to expand in the future.